Lawsagna

How to deal with negativity and your cynical brain

Have you ever been in a situation when you need to do something but feel resistance?  Negativity gremlins are whispering in your ear:  "Who do you think you are?" or "You are not good enough."  If your gremlins happen to be nagging worries, slimy self-sabotage, endless procrastination, debilitating doubt, or paralyzing fear, you may be having a case of the cynical brain.

According to the Webster's Dictionary, the word "cynical" implies a "contemptuous disbelief in human goodness and sincerity."  You doubt either yourself or others, or maybe, the whole world.  Your negativity gremlins can keep you stuck and dissatisfied.
 
While it may appear that the cynical brain attacks your character and undermines your good intentions, in fact, the cynical brain often simply wants to protect you.  It does so by diverting your attention to the negativity gremlins that can keep you paralyzed with fear and self-doubt and prevent you from acting decisively.  The cynical brain likes status-quo. 

Attention is the most important asset these days, and there are many things that compete for our brain's attention.  Negativity gremlins frequently win because we are wired to pay more attention to our negative emotions, just in case there is a tiger, an angry boss, or some other danger around the corner.  It's a built-in self-preservation mechanism.  It is usually associated with the fight-or-flight response and a narrow focus, or tunnel vision.  When the cynical brain is in control, our mind is shut down to alternative interpretations or better options.  The negativity gremlins fixate your attention on what's wrong. 

In order for the brain to broaden its focus and be more receptive to new information, you need to shift into a more positive state of mind.  You want to begin by acknowledging the cynical brain.  It's important to recognize your own self-sabotage when it happens and identify the thinking patterns that grab your attention and hold you back.

In his book "Thinkertoys," creativity expert Michael Michalko offers an exercise aimed at replacing negative attitudes with more positive thoughts.  The exercise is called "Tick-Tock" and can be adapted to help the cynical brain shift out of the negative stories.   

First, divide a piece of paper into two columns and write the word "Tick" in the left-hand column and "Tock" in the right-hand column.  In the "Tick" column, list all the negative thoughts you have about your current situation.  The mere act of labeling and writing down negative thoughts and feelings often takes the negative energy out of them.  It's like venting in private that tames your gremlins. 

Next, examine your negativity gremlins and come up with more positive approaches and ideas to substitute for those negative thoughts in the "Tick" column.  Replace each subjective negative thought with a positive alternative and intention and write it down in the "Tock" column.

This is a powerful exercise on changing thinking habits.  Not only it can help the cynical brain to open up to new possibilities, with practice, this process of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can become a mental habit. 

How to Overcome Procrastination and Overwhelm

It's this time of the year again when we look at what we have accomplished so far and start planning for the upcoming year.  The unfortunate side effect of this time is that we often put too much pressure on ourselves, which is a set-up for future frustration and procrastination.  

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and exhausted by all the things you need to do? And when you feel overwhelmed, do you sometimes complain, procrastinate and not take any action at all?  And all this time, you are building resistance.  You are not alone.  Many people can relate to this experience.  Resisting and complaining sap your energy.  Whenever you feel the build-up of resistance, you want to stop and think about how you can move from resistance to acceptance.  Stewing is worth than doing.

What causes procrastination

There may be several causes of your procrastination.  Read the following common reasons why people procrastinate and check what applies to you:

• Poor time management habits;
• Feeling of overwhelm;
• Perfectionism;
• Resistance to the task itself or other people’s expectations;
• Lack of focus, purpose, or commitment;
• Lack of confidence;
• Indecisiveness;
• Fear of failure;
• Fear of success.    

So, how do you move from the state of being "stuck" and resistant to acceptance and action?  There is a difference between purposeful procrastination and procrastination with purpose.  The former is avoidance of any action, while the latter is a transition into action.  It's a phase of mental preparation.  The following set of activities will help you start moving in a powerful new direction. 

Visioning and mental rehearsal

Use procrastination to envision the outcome, to brainstorm and mentally "rehearse" the project.  Give yourself permission to come up with bad ideas and don't filter anything.  Your unrestrained imagination may lead you to innovative solutions.  You can also use this time to create a mind map of your project.  Time constraints may be a good thing as they can drive creative.  Those of you with a perfectionist streak may find it therapeutic to use your procrastination time to produce something fast without worrying too much about quality.  Remember, it's just a rehearsal.  That way, you will have something to build on and improve later.

Assessing progress

Use procrastination to organize your thoughts and assess your progress objectively.  Mentally run down the list of burning questions you must address.  Here are a few favorites to get you started:    

1. What needs to be done?
2. Why would it be desirable to do those things?
3. What have you already accomplished that will help you move forward with this project?
4. What do you need to know to complete this project?
5. What kinds of resources and help will you need when you start working on the project?
6. What's the next action step? 

Write out your answers. Writing brings clarity, calmness and objectivity to the mind.  Notice any shifts in your mental and emotional states once you have done the exercise.

SMART goal setting

Use procrastination to strategize and create a plan.  Define objectives, deadlines, and milestones for your project.  It's time to set SMART goals: 

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic (but don't be afraid to stretch yourself)
• Time-defined

Try a three-tier structure for your goals:  the theme, the goals to support your theme, and the steps to accomplish your goals.  

Your theme can be the big reason behind the project, the main aspect of it, or the crucial learning and development point.  The theme helps to unify the parts of the project, provide additional motivation and momentum to move forward.

Break your project into well-defined goals that will serve as the milestones for your work.  When deciding upon goals,

1. Make them big enough to really stretch your comfort zone.  We often underestimate what we can achieve. 
2. Picture the benefits you gain from completing your goals.  Visualize the outcomes.  How would you know you have accomplished your objective?  How will it feel to succeed?  Capture your best reasons on paper and return to them when you need extra motivation. 
3. Identify the cost of your goals.  Each goal comes with a price tag.  What do you have to give up for the opportunity to achieve your goals?  Identify those trade-offs and decide if you are truly willing to pay the price.
4. Prioritize and eliminate inconsistent goals.  The goals we set often compete for our time, effort, and resources.  It's important to know the priority of your goals and check for conflicting objectives.  You may be as passionate about visiting Italy as you are about visiting Brazil, but you can't be in two places at the same time.  You must choose.
5. Set a deadline for each of your goals.
6. Schedule regular intervals to revisit your goals and track your progress.

Finally, divide your goals into smaller tasks or steps, giving each task a target date for completion as well.  These steps will give you a clear picture of what you should be working on at any given time.

Staying motivated

Use procrastination to motivate yourself for success.  Take a walk in the park, meditate, put on your favorite CD – do whatever works for you to create a positive vision of accomplishment.  Keep your eyes on the finish line.  How will you feel once the project is completed?  What will you do for fun to reward yourself for your great work?  Think of little rewards you can give yourself when you complete each part of a longer project.  Talk to people who can motivate you for action.  Write down two or three positive attributes of the final product as you see it and repeat those attributes whenever you sense negative self-talk.

The stressful way to happiness

If learning a new skill is stressful for you, don't despair.  According to a new study, people who work hard at improving their competence at something may feel stressed in the moment, but experience greater happiness on a daily basis and longer term. 

The study examined whether people feel happier when they fulfill certain psychological needs, specifically, the need to be competent, to feel connected to others, and to be autonomous or self-directed.  ScienceDaily reports in the article "No Pain, No Gain: Mastering A Skill Makes Us Stressed In The Moment, Happy Long Term":

Contrary to previous research, the study found that people who engage in behaviors that increase competency, for example at work, school or the gym, experience decreased happiness in the moment, lower levels of enjoyment and higher levels of momentary stress. Despite the negative effects felt on an hourly basis, participants reported that these same activities made them feel happy and satisfied when they looked back on their day as a whole. This surprising find suggests that in the process of becoming proficient at something, individuals may need to endure temporary stress to reap the happiness benefits associated with increased competency.

...

While behaviors that increase competency were associated with decreased happiness in the moment, people who spent time on activities that met the need for autonomy or feeling connected to others experienced increased happiness both [on] an hourly and daily basis. The greatest increase in momentary happiness was experienced by participants who engaged in something that met their need for autonomy -- any behavior that a person feels they have chosen, rather than ought to do, and that helps them further their interests and goals.

According to Ryan Howell, assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, these findings may have implications for workplace stress management: 

Our results suggest that you can decrease the momentary stress associated with improving your skill or ability by ensuring you are also meeting the need for autonomy and connectedness, for example performing the activity alongside other people or making sure it is something you have chosen to do and is true to who you are.

States of consciousness: Who would you be without your beliefs and positions?

Who would you be without your beliefs and positions?  This is the questions explored in the article "Evolving Consciousness" by Kaisa Puhakka in the current issue of Shift.  It discusses how we settle into our beliefs and what it takes to shed them: 

Settling into positions and shifting out of them are both intrinsic to our consciousness. When the need to understand is satisfied by an authority we can believe in or by evidence or argument, the mind settles into a position. But our positions can unravel, either suddenly in a spontaneous aha! moment or gradually by painstaking, honest inquiry. Settling and shifting represent opposing tendencies, one inclining toward stasis while the other frees us up for movement. Neither is "good" or "bad"; they each have their value in sustaining human life as we know it. Settling into positions provides anchors for comfort and security. Without such settling, the structures of civilization and culture wouldn’t exist. At the same time, settling freezes positions and makes the capacity to shift more difficult — especially problematic when a certain kind of shift may be needed. Spontaneous evolutionary movement loosens these frozen positions and allows for shifting to take place.

As we develop fluid thinking that goes beyond the limitations of our perspectives, we become better equipped to find creative solutions to the complex challenges our world faces today.  But it cannot be done without awareness:

Awareness is needed to bring light to the shadows in our minds where the opposites of what we affirm lurk—threatening to cast doubts on our certainties. The challenge for awareness is that the modern psyche is complex and multilayered. The play of unconscious and conscious keeps the layers and compartments separate and makes it possible to hold contradictory positions unperturbed. Whenever we affirm a belief, for example, we tend to negate its contrary by banishing it from awareness. The force of the banishment can vary from drastic repression, where the rejected position becomes absolutely inconceivable, to momentary suppression, where the rejected position is set aside but still available for reconsideration and a possible return to awareness.

Click here to access the current issue of Shift and read about the three modes of consciousness that explain how we relate to our beliefs. 

Want to be a better problem-solver in your dreams?

"Ideas twinkle in dreams like bicycle lights in a mist." 
- Michael Michalko, "Thinkertoys"

Have you ever been caught daydreaming or doodling in class, during a lecture or at a business meeting?  While others could interpret it as a sign that your mind was meandering aimlessly instead of paying attention, neuroscientists now provide us with the evidence to the contrary.  It turns out that the daydreaming mind continues to solve problems, and doodling actually helps remember things better.  The advice to 'sleep on it' isn't a bad idea either. 

According to a recent University of British Columbia study, activity in numerous brain regions increases when our minds wander.  Daydreaming activates both the brain's "default network," which is linked to easy, routine mental activity and the "executive network" - the brain areas associated with high-level, complex problem-solving. The findings support the notion that daydreaming, which can occupy as much as one third of our waking lives, allows us to shift our attention from routine tasks to work through more important problems in our lives.  You may not be able to accomplish an immediate goal if you daydream, but you can come up with a creative solution to a life challenge. 

If you feel the urge to daydream during a boring presentation and want to improve your concentration, try doodling.  It may seem contradictory to the common perceptions, but doodling while listening can keep you on track with a boring task and help you remember details better.  In a recently published study, subjects given a doodling task while listening to a dull phone message had a 29% improved recall compared to their non-doodling counterparts. 

In addition, nighttime dreams can also help you solve problems.  A study conducted by the University of Alberta and the University of Montreal of 470 psychology students revealed that dreams that occurred six to seven days after the remembered event often reflected "interpersonal interactions, problem resolution and positive emotions."  These findings suggest that people continue to work through personal difficulties in dreams. 

Sleep psychologists claim we have about six dreams each night during rapid eye movement sleep (REM sleep).  We often forget our dreams, but there are things we can do to recall dreams better and capture any creative ideas that emerged in the dream state:

1. If you've been working on a problem for a while, bring it back into focus right before you fall asleep.  Think about a question related to your problem that you'd like to get an answer to in your sleep.
2. When you awake, don't get up immediately.  Instead, lie quietly as you reflect on your dream.  If you have trouble remembering your dreams, try waking up thirty minutes earlier. 
3. Have a dream journal next to you bed so that you could promptly record any thoughts that came to you after you woke up.  Don't censor, just write down anything that comes to mind.  Your ideas are often triggered by your dream even if you can't remember the dream exactly.  After all, the contemporary scientific method was first reveled to René Descartes in his dream, which he promptly recorded in his dream journal.
4. You can later go over your dream journal again to see if any patterns, ideas, or insights emerge from your dream entries.

Finally, if you want your dreams to be more positive, try smelling something pleasant while you sleep.  German researchers used specific volatile odorants with a negative or a positive smell ("rotten eggs" versus "roses") to stimulate subjects during sleep.  When the unpleasant odor was used, the subjects reported that the emotional coloration of the dream was predominantly negative.   When they smelled the pleasant odor, their dreams had a positive coloration.

Related post:  Take a nap

Life Metaphors: An Exercise in Creative Thinking

Life can feel like a roller coaster - the highs and the lows, the fear and the exhilaration - all coming in rapid succession.  Life can also be like an airplane - always self-correcting to stay on course.  To Albert Einstein, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."

What would be a good metaphor for you to describe the way you experience life right now?

When we think in metaphors, we directly compare unrelated or dissimilar objects and situations.  Metaphorical thinking has benefits beyond the poetic and aesthetic value of metaphors.  Metaphors can improve our understanding and help us solve problems.

Metaphors expand meaning by transcending the literal and structural interpretation.  The whole meaning is greater than, and often different from, the sum of its parts.  According to research led by V. S. Ramachandran, director of the Center for Brain and Cognition at the University of California, San Diego, a region of the brain known as the angular gyrus is at least partly responsible for the human ability to understand metaphors.  The angular gyrus is strategically located at the crossroads of areas specialized for processing touch, hearing and vision. 

Metaphors reveal subtle patterns that can otherwise fall beyond our perceptive powers.  But beware:  because of their ambiguous, emotive and nonlinear nature, metaphors can confuse as well as illuminate.  Be patient with yourself and the process.  The idea is to probe and peel the layers and be open to what you may find.

To experience the creative power of metaphors, do the following exercise, adapted from the book "Thinkertoys: A Handbook of Creative-Thinking Techniques" by Michael Michalko:

1.    Think of a challenge or a choice you are facing.

2.    Instead of describing it in words, browse some old magazines, newspapers or catalogs and cut out images that symbolize your challenge or choice.

3.    Move your pictures around, exploring different patterns and associations.  Continue until they form a collage.  

4.    Look at your collage and search for clues, insights and new ideas related to your challenge or choice.  Ask yourself the following questions:

    a.    What is my challenge/choice like?  
    b.    What does it remind me of?
    c.    What aspects of my challenge/choice are revealed through the collage?
    d.    What can I learn from this?

"What Is Love?"

Sally Kempton wrote a beautiful piece titled  "What Is Love?" for Yoga Journal.  Here's an excerpt on the practice of love:

The practice of love—actions and attitudes that create an atmosphere of kindness, acceptance, and unity in ourselves and in those around us—is not only the basis of spiritual life, it is also the basis of civilization. We can't always feel gratitude, but we can remember to say thank you. We can't always like other people, but we can try to pay attention when they talk to us and help them out when they're in trouble. We may not feel good about ourselves all the time, but we can practice treating ourselves gently, slowing down and breathing when we want to rush, or talking back to our inner voices of self-criticism and judgment. When it comes to daily life, feeling love may actually be less important than acting loving.

... How can I, in spite of what I may be feeling at a particular moment, offer my best to myself and other people?

Sally Kempton offers several practices to reconnect to the source of love:

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine you are sitting in the center of a vast flow of love. Imagine that love is flowing toward you like water or passing into you like a gentle wind. Whether you actually feel this love or not, keep imagining that it is flowing toward you and into you.

Another way to receive love is to imagine that just outside the window of your room sits a compassionate and loving being, someone wise and incredibly forgiving. This person is watching you through the window; her glance protects you and surrounds you with sweetness.

Allow yourself to receive the love that is flowing toward you from this being. If thoughts come up to block it—like "I don't deserve this" or "This is just an exercise; it's not real"—notice them and let them go as you might in meditation, saying, "Thinking," and then breathing the thought out. Your only task is to receive.

When you open your eyes, look around you with the thought that the love you have been contemplating is still flowing toward you from whatever you see and from the air itself.

Click here to read the full article.

Barbara Fredrickson and Sharon Salzberg on "Positivity"

Last Sunday, I attended the discussion between neuro-psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg as part of the Brainwave series at the Rubin Museum of Art in New York City.  The topic was how positive thinking influenced the mind.  Specifically, they talked about the effects of lovingkindness meditation practice on positive emotions and about the results of Dr. Fredrickson's research, described in her new book "Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive."  

The conversation began with the question about the roles of positive and negative emotions.  Psychologists have known for a long time that negative emotions are so salient and effective in seizing our attention because our survival has depended on them.  The fear of a tiger, the disgust at the sight of rotten food - those negative emotions have been there to protect us.  But why do we need positive emotions and how can we experience them more often?  This is the inquiry of the positive psychology. 

Dr. Fredrickson's research points out that positive emotions tend to broaden our focus, enabling us to discover more tools and solutions to life's challenges and ultimately making us more resourceful.  When we experience negative emotions, our focus is narrow.  This tunnel vision precludes us from switching perspectives and seeing creative solutions.  Positive emotions let our minds open, or "bloom."  In Dr. Fredrickson's study, the lovingkindness meditation practice has been shown to increase the frequency of positive emotions.  In the lovingkindness mediation, you gather your attention around words and phrases of love and peace that you repeat rhythmically and direct to yourself and others.   Those participants who saw a bigger increase in positivity from the start of the program also showed more benefits after three months of practice.  In the long term, positive emotions result in more resilience and life satisfaction.

All emotions are transient.  The point is not to try to be positive all the time, but rather to increase the frequency of positive emotions.  Dr. Fredrickson discovered that experiencing positive emotions in a 3-to-1 ratio with negative ones makes people more resilient and creative in meeting life’s challenges and achieving their goals.  You can find out your ratio and get other online tools at Dr. Fredrickson's website http://www.positivityratio.com.  As Sharon Salzberg beautifully said, what counts is the willingness "to begin again," to redirect the mind towards more positive alternatives.       

An interesting question was raised during the Q&A about the cross-cultural variance with regard to positivity.  Culture influences what we consider a positive experience.  For example, in cultures where individualism is praised, people feel positive when they stand out and accomplish something on their own.  In collective cultures, feeling connected to a group, fitting in, may be more important to increase positive emotions.  Reflecting on my own cross-cultural experiences, I wonder if the broad focus also facilitates cultural adjustment.  It would be interesting to see studies on this.

Watch your reactions: a Zen parable

I came across this Zen parable in the Yoga Journal article "Living on the Edge" by Ezra Bayda: 

On the first day of a four-day meditation retreat, a student went in to see the Zen master with whom he'd been studying for many years. Sitting at the teacher's feet, he asked, "Can you tell me how I'm doing in my practice?" The Zen master thought for a minute, then said, "Open your mouth." The student opened his mouth, and the teacher peered in and said, "OK, now bend your head down." The student bent his head down, and the Zen master looked into his hair, then said, "OK, now open your eyes really wide." The student opened his eyes, and the Zen master glared into them and said, "You're doing fine." Then he rang his bell.

Because the teacher rang his bell, the student had to leave. The next day, he returned, quite perplexed by what had happened the day before. "I asked you how I was doing in my practice yesterday," he said, "and you made me open my mouth, bend my head, and open my eyes. What did all that have to do with my practice?" The Zen master bowed his head in thought. Then he said, "You know, you're not really doing very well in your practice, and the truth is, I am not sure you are ever going to make it." Again he rang his bell.

The student walked out. You can imagine how confused and angry he felt. The next day he went back, still fuming, and said, "What do you mean, I'm not going to make it in practice? Do you know that I sit in meditation for an hour every day? Sometimes I sit twice a day. I come to every retreat. I have really deep experiences. What do you mean I'm not going to make it?" The master just sat there, apparently thinking. Then he said, "Well, maybe I made a mistake. Perhaps you're doing pretty well after all." And again he rang his bell.

On the last day of the retreat, the student went back to see his teacher, utterly exhausted. He felt distraught and confused, but he was no longer fighting it. He said to the master, "I just wanted to know how I was doing in my practice." This time, the teacher looked at him and with no hesitation, in a very kind voice, said, "If you really want to know how you're doing in your practice, just look at all of your reactions over the last few days. Just look at your life."

The wisdom of this Zen parable seems to apply to so many life questions:
How am I doing in my business?  How am I doing in my relationships?  How am I doing as a parent?  Our reactions are often the first indicators of how things really are. 

Learning to learn from Joshua Waitzkin, a champion in chess and martial arts

SharpBrains offers a thought-provoking interview with Joshua Waitzkin, a champion in chess and martial arts and the author of  "The Art of Learning: An Inner Journey to Optimal Performance."   A passionate learner, Waitzkin fuses philosophy, psychology, meditation with his personal experiences in mastering chess and tai chi to create a unique blend of principles for learning, self-improvement, and mastery:

I am able to compete at the highest levels because I have cultivated an approach to learning and performance that maximizes my strengths, tackles my weaknesses through the prism of my strengths, dissolves crippling false constructs and divisive mental barriers, and allows me to express myself through my art in as unhindered a manner as possible.
…
Growth only really comes at the point of resistance, but that is the moment that we tend to stop. Because it hurts. Whether we are confronting our psychological foibles or our physiological limits, it is much easier to turn back from the challenge than to push through the discomfort. I think digging deeply into ourselves, pushing our limits, is a muscle that can be cultivated like any other -- incrementally. If we embrace these outer limits of our ability as something malleable that can expand with training, and if we embrace the discomfort of these moments of growth, then we start to love the richness of the self-discovery. The discomfort becomes exquisite. Learning becomes life.
…
I have learned that in those rare moments of truth in our lives, we have to be willing to let go of the comfort of our knowledge, our preparation, our sense of control, and we have to flow with an improvisational spirit that embraces chaos, turns adversity to our advantage, and digs into our deepest reservoirs of energy and creativity. Our relationship to the learning process, in my opinion, should be one that prepares us for that freedom under pressure - or more truly, that liberates us to live every moment with that openness to unexpected beauty. Learning and peak performance aren't about control or memorization or perfection - they are about something much deeper, something more essentially human.

Click to read the full interview with Joshua Waitzkin at SharpBrains.

The practice of joy and happiness

Do you notice the stories you are telling yourself?  How do they make you feel and act?  Do they  leave you inspired, joyful, clear, and confident?  Or do they generate negativity, doubt, or resistance?  Many of us take whatever our mind conjures up as the truth and don't challenge our thinking even when it is not working for us.  What would you need to tell yourself to feel joy and happiness? 

In the Yoga Journal article "Joy Story," Sally Kempton is describing a practice of happiness that can help us cultivate the inner states of joy and content that are often missing in our busy, hectic lives.   

Close your eyes and remember a time when you felt really happy. Then take yourself into that moment. See if you can get a feeling-sense of yourself in the situation. Perhaps you'll do this visually—by remembering where you were, what you wore, who was present. Perhaps you'll do it by invoking the feeling, asking yourself, "What did that happiness feel like?" and then waiting until the feeling-sense begins to make itself present in your body. Stick with it until you actually feel the happiness—even if only a little.

Then remove the memory of the scene or situation and just feel the feeling. Find the place in your body where the feeling is centered, then let it expand until it fills you. If you're very visual, it might help if you give the feeling a color—a warm one, like gold or pink. Or you might work with the breath, breathing into the feeling and letting it expand on the exhalation.

Sit with this feeling of happiness. See if you can hold it. See if, for this moment, you can let the happiness become your primary feeling. This is a glimpse, however small, of your true reality.

If you want to learn about the four meanings of happiness, read the rest of  "Joy Story."

Mindfulness in Movement

If you want to bring more mindfulness into your daily life, consider matching your mindfulness practices to your dominant intelligences.  According to the theory of multiple intelligences developed by Dr. Howard Gardner, professor of education at Harvard University, and discussed in his book "Intelligence Reframed: Multiple Intelligences for the 21st Century," there are eight different intelligences that describe the ways people relate to information.   Your preferred ways to process information are your strengths or dominant intelligences.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, I begin with the bodily-kinesthetic intelligence today and proceed with the rest of the intelligences in the upcoming posts.

We engage our bodily-kinesthetic intelligence when we express ourselves through movement and use movement to process information.  If you have a strong bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, it may be easier for you to concentrate when movement is involved.  There are many ways to develop awareness through movement.  In fact, many types of physical exercises can help you get into the zone, a state of mind where you feel focused, your senses are heightened, and time tends to disappear.  So, you can choose whether you want to do yoga or rock climbing to practice mindfulness in movement.  Your physical sensations, your breath, the rhythm of the movement, the flow of energy through your body are all good anchors for your attention that can help you get beyond the mental noise.  Sometimes, simply being mindful of your posture and remembering to relax your shoulders or do a few shoulder rolls can be a centering technique that can teach you to pay attention to your body signals.  Here are a few more examples of kinesthetic practices:

Yoga offers an excellent way to strengthen your mind body connection.  We are often concerned with changing, toning, shaping, sculpting, building our bodies.  Yoga allows us to experience our bodies and learn to respect their needs.  Focusing on the breath, movement and physical sensations helps to quiet the swirl of thoughts in the head and develop better awareness.

A meditative walk not only gently introduces even the most sedentary folks to a more active lifestyle, it can also calm the nerves and clear the mind.  You can gain more self-awareness, energy, relieve stress, improve your body image and your mood – all while walking.   As you walk, train your attention by noticing your breath and bodily sensations or observing the surroundings.  You can also try walking the labyrinth.  Here's how Daniel Pink describes his labyrinth walk in his book "A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future" :

"This labyrinth, which I walked one morning not too long ago, is composed of four-inch by four-inch brick squares.  Eight concentric circles, formed from similarly sized white squares, orbit a center space that's roughly two feet in diameter.  Along the outer edge a few squares have single words stamped onto them: Create, Faith, Wisdom, Believe.  Visitors often choose one of these words, and then repeat it, like a mantra in meditation, as they circle to the center.  I began my labyrinth walk by heading left and walking down the first ring.  As I looked around, I saw a few Medical Center buildings on one side and a parking lot on the other.  Nothing transcendent about this.  It felt as if I was simply walking in a circle.  So I started again.  To avoid distractions, I looked down.  I focused my sight on the two curving lines that formed the outline of my path, and I began walking – as slowly as I possible could.  The lines curled around me.  And after a while it felt a bit like driving on a long empty road.  I didn't have to pay much attention, so my mind slipped to a different place – and that had an unexpected calming effect."

Dancing is another great way to practice mindfulness by noticing how your moods, ideas, and emotions are expressed through movement.  I have to admit that I am biased here because Latin ballroom dancing got me moving throughout college, helped me manage the stress of law school, and allowed me to meet my most wonderful friends for years, including my husband.   Dancing is an excellent tool of self-expression.  Even if it's just you alone in the room, turn on the music that speaks to you and try expressing what you feel at the moment through movement.  No specific structure or choreographed routines – just your emotions flowing through your body.  

Hobbies that require you to work with your hands, such as pottery, woodworking, knitting, or cooking, make it easier to focus your mind on the process and away from nagging thoughts. 

The rhythmic movement of prayer beads in prayer, meditation, or simply during the repetition of affirmations can also be helpful to people with dominant kinesthetic intelligence. 

Do you have any kinesthetic or tactile habits, such as pacing the room when you need to think things over, tossing up a pen, playing with a stress ball?  Next time, use these habits as reminders to take a few moments for yourself and clear your head by focusing on the movement. 

What kinesthetic practices help you to be more mindful?

Personal productivity and mind body connection

In our fast-paced world, maintaining focused energy is one of the biggest personal productivity challenges.  Much of the energy drain happens due to the sense of mental overwhelm and frequent information overload.  This sense of overwhelm and inability to cope effectively with the daily flow of information, interactions, and distractions is a significant cause of stress and decrease in productivity for many people.

What stops you from having focused mental energy right now?  Here's a list of common energy drainers and stressors.  Do you see anything that applies to you? 

•    Lack of focus
•    Mental clutter;
•    Mindless distractions;
•    Fear of uncertainty;
•    Pessimistic attitude;
•    Self-criticism;
•    Unrealistic expectations or beliefs;
•    Information overload;
•    Perfectionism;
•    Low self-esteem;
•    Procrastination;
•    Negative self-talk;
•    Overwhelming negative emotions;
•    Resistance;
•    Misalignment between your life purpose and everyday actions;
•    Poor diet;
•    Insufficient physical activity;
•    Lack of sleep;
•    Toxic home or work environment;
•    Lack of social support.

Now, picture the power of the focused energy and how it could transform your life.  Imagine what it feels like to be so absorbed by the task that nothing else matters.  Certain practices enable us to maintain clear focus and add more energy to our days.  Here’s what you can do to boost your energy and personal productivity. 

1. Stop multitasking to avoid the "sprinkler effect."
   If you are easily distracted by thoughts buzzing in your head as you are trying to concentrate on a project, you are not alone.  Mental noise and distractions create energy leaks.  I call it the "sprinkler effect."  Just like the sprinkler cuts through the stream of water dispersing it, distractions dissipate our energy.  Our focus and perception diminish when it happens.  Think of all the distractions throughout your typical day:  a phone rings, an urgent email pops up, somebody interrupts your train of thought, etc.  A common response is to multitask, but multitasking doesn't work.  Our brains cannot do parallel processing if it requires conscious awareness. Multitasking is really a rapid task switching.  The more complex and unfamiliar the tasks are, the longer it is going to take to switch between them.  Multitasking causes the sprinkler effect. 
2. Pay attention:  awareness = mental "White Space."
   We can experience more focused energy if we practice mindfulness and give our full attention to the present moment.  As we cultivate awareness, we gain the state of clarity, or the mental "white space."  In art and design, the concept of "white space" refers to the absence, or nothingness, that makes the content stand out.  White space creates balance.  Similarly, when we are truly present and aware, our perception is heightened.  We notice things we wouldn't otherwise.  We experience more insights.  We respond to situations as they arise without stress or worry generated by mental clutter.
3. Chop up your projects and your work days into chunks.
   Create a sequence of specific, measurable steps to complete your current project.  Set milestones and deadlines to keep track of your progress.  Then, divide your work day into chunks of uninterrupted time when you can focus on your scheduled tasks and eliminate distractions.       
4. Verbalize distractions:  pour your disruptive thoughts onto paper.
   When you feel bogged down by persistent, negative thoughts, write them all down and set the time when you will review the list.  Writing thoughts down decreases their negative influence on the mind.  When your scheduled time comes, review the list and determine which thoughts actually deserve your time and energy.  Develop a habit of verbalizing your fears, doubts, and concerns.
5. Practice WOW: "Witness Ordinary Wonders."
   Present is the only thing that we ever experience, but how much time do we spend projecting our present fears and beliefs into the future or holding on to the constructs from the past that don't serve us well?
   
   It takes practice to be present, but it can be done with any activity, no matter what it is and how small it may seem.  This is about your mental attitude, and not the attribute of the activity itself.  Here's what you do:
   
   Each day, take time to choose an ordinary thing from your surroundings or a simple activity that you normally do almost on auto-pilot.  Approach it as if you have never seen or done it before – with the beginner's mind.  Think of a child who has not learned a label of your chosen item or action and is trying to figure it out.  What new aspects of this familiar object or activity do you notice?  What piques your curiosity?
6. Befriend your emotions, even the negative ones.
   It's natural and human to experience the whole range of emotions.  What's important is how we process those emotions in our minds and our bodies.  There are constructive ways to deal with negative emotions.  You don't want to bottle them up because you will end up with emotional and energetic imbalances.  Instead, you want to let yourself experience the emotion, just be with it for some time and observe.  Recognizing negative emotions, labeling them, and paying attention to the physiological responses these emotions produce in your body may help to counteract their effect.
7. Don't resist, accept:  stewing is worse than doing.
   Do you ever feel so overwhelmed and exhausted by all of the things you need to do that you can only complain and procrastinate instead of taking action?  All this time, you are building resistance.  Many people can relate to this experience.  Resisting and complaining sap your energy.  Whenever you feel the build-up of resistance, you want to stop and think about how you can move from resistance to acceptance.  My earlier post on 5 ways to procrastinate with purpose can help you prepare for action. 
8. Get excited!
   Don't wait for the next holiday to start a celebration.  Make a list of five things that you are excited about today.  What brings you joy when you just think about it?  We all should have something to celebrate each day.  This is a good exercise to do in the morning to begin your day on a positive note.
   
   Next, list five things that you are grateful for or people you would like to thank.  Notice any shifts in your emotional state once you have competed the exercise. Expressing gratitude for things that go well is a sure way to cultivate positive emotions.  Positive psychology studies have linked feelings of gratitude to emotional well-being.
9. Have a clear vision.
   When Michelangelo was asked how he created the sculpture of David out of the block of marble, he said:  "I simply chipped away everything that wasn't David."  You can chip away at marble, but you won't create David unless you have a clear vision. Know what your "David" is. 
10. Eliminate inconsistent goals:  don't try to be in two places at the same time.
    Prioritize and eliminate inconsistent goals.  The goals we set often compete for our time, effort, and resources.  It’s important to know the priority of your goals and check for conflicting objectives.  You may be as passionate about visiting Italy as you are about visiting Brazil, but you can't be in two places at the same time.  You must choose.
11. Use the three "Energize-Rs" to supercharge your days:  rhythms, rituals, and routines.
    Paying attention to the changes in your energy patterns throughout the day is a first step towards bringing more energy into your life.  You can do it with the help of the three "Energize-Rs":  Rhythms, Rituals, and Routines.  Here's the link to my post on these three powerful "Energize-Rs."
    
12. Embrace uncertainty, just like you would do in a casino.
    How comfortable are you with uncertainty?  What stops some people from pursuing their dreams and their mission is fear of the unknown.  Interestingly, uncertainty can actually add to our motivation.
    
    Do you ever wonder how people can spend hours pulling a lever of a slot machine?  It is the uncertainty of the reward that keeps them interested.  The anticipation of uncertain rewards has been linked to the increased production of the neuromodulator dopamine, which is responsible for a focused attention and more pleasurable experience.  Imagine what would happen if you were to get a regular salary for pulling the same lever but no chance of a random win. You’d be bored to death very soon.  The uncertainty of the reward keeps the excitement alive.
13. Practice bodily awareness: think on your feet.
    We all have bodily-kinesthetic intelligence that enables us to learn through movement.  Our body can also guide us in making decisions if we are attuned to our physiological responses.  When you are evaluating your options, listen to your body.  If your breathing is full and open, your muscles are relaxed, and you sense pleasant spaciousness in the chest or head, you may be moving in the right direction.  On the other hand, if your muscles become tense, especially in the shoulder and neck area, you have a "pit" in the stomach, or your attention is scattered, your body may be telling you that something is amiss. 
14. Don't let toxic words poison your body.
    Avoid negative conversations as you eat because the chemicals your brain sends through your body in response to the negative emotions or stress affect your digestion, and you need nutrients for sustainable physical energy.  Don't let toxic words poison your body and block your energy flow. 
15. Open an account at the Bliss Bank.
    Start feeding healthy, energizing images to your mind and you will feel more energized yourself.  Consider opening an account at the "Bliss Bank."  The Bliss Bank is a collection of small things that can cheer you up quickly.  It can be pictures of your kids or your pets, a souvenir from your favorite place, a song or an image.  Your Bliss Bank should be easily accessible at home, in your office, and your car so that you could draw from it whenever you felt sad, stressed out, or simply needed to recharge.
16. Use the power of visualizations: if you don't like what your eyeballs see, use your mind's eye to create whatever you want.
    The images we create in our mind's eye can be as real to our brain as the ones we see with our eyeballs.  Athletes use the power of visualizations and mental rehearsal to train, and so can we to boost our energy.  What could you imagine right now that would help you feel energized?
17. Tune up:  listen to music and healing sounds.
    Music elevates dopamine levels, those "feel good" molecules.  If you think of it, music delivers many of the benefits that people often try to get from food:  stress relief, comfort, energy, pleasure, etc.  So, let's start using music and movement to bring more energy, joy, and vibrance into our lives.
    
    Ayurveda, a system of medical knowledge that originated in India more than 5,000 years ago, explains healing sounds as rhythms and vibrations found in nature that resonate with our bodies.  Spending more time outdoors and listening to natural sounds of wind, waves, leaves, and birds can have a harmonizing effect on your body and mind.
18. Embrace your "wild" side: spend more time in nature.
    We’ve all probably experienced the peace and clarity that nature can bring about.  We don’t need to go far to have the benefits.  Take your pressing problem for a walk in the park.  If you enjoy gardening, remind yourself of the need to love and nurture yourself as you water and nurture your plants. 
19. Hang out with people who can lighten up the room.
    Sometimes, all we need to do to get energized is to talk to certain people. 

• Who are those people with vibrant, positive energy in your life?
• How can you limit your interactions with people who drain you? 
• How can you strengthen your support system?
  
  Taking personal responsibility for your energy also has an effect of attracting more people with positive energy into your life.  Do you know people who can lighten up the room with their presence?  Everybody wants to be around them.  With little practice and conscious choices, you can be that person.

What are your best personal energy management practices?

Orientation Series: 21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner

Step 20:  Learning to learn

What distinguishes best lawyers, doctors, architects, etc. from the rest of the crowd?  What do they know or do that others don't?  One possibility is that they are very proficient in using certain meta-skills that can be applied to multiple tasks and contexts and supercharge whatever these experts do.  Effective learners invest time and effort in developing the skills that help them learn and perform to their best potential.  What could those meta-skills be and how can we develop them?  Here is what I've brainstormed so far:

Extracting only relevant information. Being able to zero in on the essential elements saves time and brain power.   

       What to do: 

1. Learn the basics well.  Applying meta-skills takes up working memory, which is very limited.  When you have to think about the basic content and try to use your meta-skill, your working memory gets overloaded.  You have to know the foundations well in order to filter any additional information.
2. Clarify and simplify.  If you have clutter on your desk and somebody leaves an important piece of paper there for you, you may not see it.  But if you have a clean and well-organized desk, anything new will jump out at you.  The same applies to your head.
3. Practice "selective ignorance."   In this day and age, we consume much more information than we really need.  It's not always better to read and learn more.  Making sure you pick the best in the ocean of information is important, so become selective.  Each piece of information you consume should have a purpose and application.
4. Learn to prioritize.  Prioritizing forces you to make decisions about the relative importance of things.  The ability to see the essential will strengthen with this practice.
5. Use effective reading strategies that allow you to get to the important information quickly.

Recognizing patterns easily.  If we can connect pieces of information into a pattern, we are able to use our previous knowledge and experience more effectively.  Once something falls into a familiar pattern, we know what to do because we encountered a similar situation before and we can draw from the past experience. 

       What to do: 

1. Compare and contrast things.  You will teach yourself to notice important differences and similarities. 
2. Reflect on your past experiences.  As you do so, look for patterns in actions and outcomes. 

Memorizing. Working with our memory means being selective about what we need to memorize and why.  It is also about choosing the right strategy to retain information. 

        What to do:

1. Learn how memory works. 
2. Find memorizing strategies that work best for you.
3. Ask yourself why you need to remember something.
4. Choose the appropriate strategy and give your full attention to the material you need to memorize.

Analyzing and comprehending information.  We constantly rearrange our knowledge base to integrate new information.  How do we know that we truly comprehended something?  It fits into our big picture of how things work. 

        What to do:

1. Summarize and synthesize what you have learned.  Make sure you know how the concepts fit together.
2. Ask questions.  Questions help to reveal blind spots in your knowledge, challenge assumptions, expand your thinking.  Opt for open-ended questions, which start with what, who, how, why, when, where.
3. Teach what you have learned to others.  It will help you master the subject matter. 

Occasionally, we analyze something incorrectly, hence the next point…

Verifying and testing the knowledge.  Effective learners are able to test and adjust their mental maps continuously.  They are not afraid to put themselves out there because that is how they receive feedback and make improvements.   

       What to do:

1. In the ideal world, you encounter a problem and ask yourself what you need to know to solve it.  Then, you go and learn what you need in the easiest and fastest way.  It is called "just-in-time" learning.  It ensures that your learning is relevant and valuable.  You apply it right away and gain competence in the process.  In the "learning-in-advance" scenario, look for opportunities to practice what you have learned.  If it is a skill, try transferring it to a different context and use it there. 
2. Learn collaboratively.  Share your ideas with others.  Talk through your thought process. 
3. Capture your ideas in writing.  Writing makes things clearer.  If somebody reads it, you may get feedback as well. 
4. Be adventurous and get out of your comfort zone.      

Reviewing. Assessing past actions is a crucial step if we want to achieve mastery.  We need to figure out what worked and what didn’t and adjust the behavior.

        What to do: 

1. Develop a habit of looking back at your actions and evaluating how well they served you.  Did you get the outcome you wanted?  Can you think of a better and faster way to achieve the same result? What would you do differently in the future?
2. Always search for ways to simplify, speed up and improve the process.
3. Ask people for feedback and once you’ve received it, consider it carefully.

Self-monitoring. Here, we have to assume the roles of the doer and observer at the same time.  We assess the performance in the moment, react, predict, and make adjustments as we go.  Such self-regulation offers a big learning advantage because we are attuned to instant feedback and can correct our course of actions accordingly.

        What to do: 

1. Practice mindfulness.   
2. Think about your thinking.
3. Pause and reflect on what you are doing.  Eventually, you will be able to monitor yourself without having to stop what you are doing.  It will be like a second layer of awareness that will allow you to stay attuned to the relevant clues in the context and adjust your actions as needed.

Maintaining the right attitude. Cognitive skills are important but they are not everything.  Emotional intelligence is needed as we navigate through our lives.  Think about how much information is encoded in people’s emotions and attitudes.  We have to be "emotion detectors" to succeed.  Read my earlier post on "How to develop your emotional intelligence" for more tips and resources. 

How do you develop your meta-skills?

Orientation Series:  21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner:
Step 1:  Setting your learning objectives
Step 2:  Taking an inventory of your skills
Step 3:  Taking an Inventory of Your Learning Tools
Step 4:  Finding opportunities for cognitive apprenticeship
Step 5:   Determining the "IIQ" of what you read
Step 6:  Choosing helpful books for law students
Step 7:  “The Three 'P's of Performance” in Action
Step 8:  Tapping into your social networks
Step 9:  Identifying your learning barriers
Step 10:  Finding your sources of motivation
Step 11:  Managing your energy
Step 12:  Focusing on how you think
Step 13:  Mastering informal learning and professional development
Step 14:  Asking Good Questions
Step 15:  Condensing your knowledge
Step 16:  Memorizing
Step 17:  Becoming a reflective learner
Step 18:  Establishing rhythms, rituals, and routines
Step 19:  Learning holistically

What I learned in my first week of the raw food diet

It's been about a week and a half now since I started my 30-day raw food program.  I view it as a learning experience.  Instead of focusing on limitations, temptations and frustrations, I choose to think of this experience in terms of explorations, discoveries and learning opportunities.  I believe that the mindset is really important when it comes to any kind of change, and sometimes, being able to adjust your perspective on things can do wonders for you.  I want to share some of my observations so far in the hope that it may help you maintain the positive attitude when you want to adopt a new behavior.  Here are a few things I learned:

Creativity.  When I started the program, the little voice of self-doubt tried to plant some limiting concepts in my head.  For example, I feared that avoiding cooked foods meant my choices were very limited.  It took some critical thinking to get rid of this notion.  I looked at my regular diet and realized that the bulk of it consisted of the same cooked foods, such as rice, pasta, fish, chicken, turkey, etc. in various combinations.  There was no reason I couldn’t combine raw foods in the same way creating varied menus.  I decided to focus on creativity when it came to menu planning.  I learned to make tasty green smoothies that combined fruit and vegetables for optimum taste and nutrition.  The celery, cucumber and romaine lettuce mix tasting like mango and bananas is easier to enjoy, and I don't have to eat salads every day.

Discovery. For each food item I had to give up, I decided to come up with a new item that I could try.   My additions include persimmons, papaya, agave nectar, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, and the list will continue to grow.  My trips to the grocery store are like mini-explorations now that I hunt for vegetables, fruits, nuts, and seeds that I have not tried for a while (or at all).

Balance between planning and flexibility. I need to plan for the upcoming weeks so that I have enough food around to keep me on the program.  At the same time, I realized I liked it better when I didn't have each day's menu planned.  I now go day by day and eat what my body wants at the moment.  I listen to my body more and learn to recognize its messages.

Re-assessment. When you do the same thing the same way over and over again, you don't feel the need to stop and ask if what you do still makes sense or whether there is a better approach.  A change forces you to take a second look at your habits and routines.  My raw food program made me realize that I unnecessarily overcooked many fruits and vegetables, depleting them of their nutrients.  For example, from now on, when I need to cook broccoli, I will boil water, take it off the heat, and then add the broccoli.  There is no need to boil it even for a few minutes.  Hot water will break it down a bit, but it will still be full of flavor, and crunch, and all those things that are good for you.  Also, now when I cook my baby's oatmeal, I add frozen blueberries after I take it off the heat.  They will thaw and cool the oatmeal faster.  Simple things like these, I would not have noticed without my raw diet. 

The benefit of firm boundaries.  I still have cupcakes and cookies in the house as the rest of my household is not ready for the raw diet yet.  However, making a firm decision not to eat them took away the doubts, hesitations, and all of that back-and-forth dialogue and guilt trip that I would have otherwise had in my head:  "I really shouldn't eat…or maybe, just one...I hate my sweet tooth…will it help if I eat just one…was it that good?"  Firm boundaries stop unproductive thoughts.

Support.  Identifying and using your sources of support is very important.  Internet and Web 2.0 offer great opportunities in this regard.  I visited raw food blogs and websites for tips and recipes, watched motivational interviews on YouTube, wrote about my experiment publicly – all of which strengthened my commitment.  It is good to have those resources lined up before the going gets tougher.

We can all learn from our challenges.  Take time to think about what you are learning and how it can help you in the future.  What did you learn from your challenges?

Orientation Series: 21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner

Step 19:  Learning holistically

When we think of learning, we often focus on cognitive functions and memory.  But learning doesn’t happen just in our heads.  I think there's a benefit in looking at learning from the holistic perspective that involves body, mind, and spirit (I am talking about human spirit here).  If the learning is powerful, what we learn becomes integrated into our belief system and behavior.  Learning has the potential to change not just what we know, but who we are.  How can we experience holistic learning?  Here’re a few suggestions:   

• Let your heart and passion drive your learning.  We are so conditioned to follow somebody else’s curriculum from school to college to corporate training, we come to believe that there is no learning without a syllabus.  Try setting your own learning agenda and let your curiosity guide you.  Learn something not because you have to, but because you want to.      
• Develop your intuition.  Intuition is a powerful blend of experience, awareness and inner wisdom.  It offers you a shortcut to knowledge that you may not gain through logical reasoning.  For more information on how to develop intution, check out the intuition resources at the Institute of HeartMath.
• Engage your multiple intelligences when you learn.  You can find tips on how to do it in my post "8 times smarter:  learning with multiple intelligences."  Think about how you can use various senses in learning.
• Be emotionally engaged.  Feeling inspired requires consistent work.  Create your own learning “bliss bank” and fill it with words, images, articles, and other things and activities that motivate you.  When you need an emotional uplift, go to your “bliss bank.”    
• Experiment with your learning environment.  Pay attention to how the physical space and tools you use to learn make you feel.  Escape into nature to see how fresh air and movement influence your thinking and memory.  For example, you can experiment with the "memory palace" technique as you walk along a familiar route. 
• Approach learning as play.  Our fear of failure and self-limiting constraints often prevent us from entertaining our best ideas.  Play is less threatening and can help us unleash the creative potential inside.  Next time you need to solve a problem, first create a list of bad ideas.  Get this fear of "looking stupid" out of your system.  You may be surprised how this simple technique can lead you to some great solutions.
• Consider the moral and ethical implication of what you are learning.  Will the use of your new knowledge be congruent with your values and beliefs?  Are you a better person because of this recently acquired skill?  Focus on developing skills that help your life mission. 

Do you have any suggestions for how we can learn better holistically?

Orientation Series:  21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner:
Step 1:  Setting your learning objectives
Step 2:  Taking an inventory of your skills
Step 3:  Taking an Inventory of Your Learning Tools
Step 4:  Finding opportunities for cognitive apprenticeship
Step 5:   Determining the "IIQ" of what you read
Step 6:  Choosing helpful books for law students
Step 7:  “The Three 'P's of Performance” in Action
Step 8:  Tapping into your social networks
Step 9:  Identifying your learning barriers
Step 10:  Finding your sources of motivation
Step 11:  Managing your energy
Step 12:  Focusing on how you think
Step 13:  Mastering informal learning and professional development
Step 14:  Asking Good Questions
Step 15:  Condensing your knowledge
Step 16:  Memorizing
Step 17:  Becoming a reflective learner
Step 18:  Establishing rhythms, rituals, and routines

 

Mind on a Diet

"If we want to simplify and deepen our lives, we must simplify and deepen our minds. When we become more centered, clear, spacious, caring, and open, there is suddenly much more room in our frenetic lives for both others and ourselves."
—Lama Surya Das

This is the season when many people talk about losing a few pounds here and there.  As you decide what to feed your body, take time to think about what you feed your mind.  Here are a few things to consider.

1. Avoid empty information calories.  Just like junk food is harmful to our bodies, junk information dulls our minds.  (Here's the link to the post about my "Information Impact Quotient" approach).
2. Look for fresh ideas that forge new pathways in the brain.  Try new approached to old problems.  Evaluate situations from different perspectives.
3. Appreciate diversity.  Develop a curious mind that wants to wander and explore.
4. Make healthy thought choices.  Ban toxic thoughts.  Cherish positive, invigorating ideas.
5. Look beyond the packaging to discover the essence of things.
6. Don't feed on spoiled leftovers.  Let go of the notions that don't work for you anymore.  Release the attachments.
7. Be mindful as you consume information.  Slow down.  Take time to reflect on the meaning and usefulness of what you read and hear and integrate it into your existing knowledge base.

   

Cognitive Fitness

From "Cognitive Fitness" by Roderick Gilkey and Clint Kilts, Harvard Business Review (need subscription, you can preview the summary of the article on the order page):

…advances in neuroscience suggest that there is no reason why your brain at 60 can’t be as competent as it was at 25. That would not have been news to thinkers such as Socrates, Copernicus, and Galileo, who were all still at the peak of their intellectual powers in their sixties and seventies. Nor would it surprise business leaders such as Alan Greenspan, Warren Buffett, and Sumner Redstone. These icons and others like them have intuitively understood that the brain’s alertness is the result of what we call cognitive fitness—a state of optimized ability to reason, remember, learn, plan, and adapt that is enhanced by certain attitudes, lifestyle choices, and exercises. The more cognitively fit you are, the better you will be able to make decisions, solve problems, and deal with stress and change. Cognitive fitness will allow you to be more open to new ideas and alternative perspectives. It will give you the capacity to change your behaviors and forecast their outcomes in order to realize your goals. You can become the kind of person your company values most. Perhaps more important, you can delay senescence for years and even enjoy a second career.

The article goes on to suggest steps you can take to stay cognitively fit and discusses some implications of the brain research to learning.  For example, the study of mirror neurons, which "aid the speed and accuracy of our perception by mentally simulating objects and actions in our environment," helps us understand how we can learn better through observation and indirect experience. 

The authors encourage play at work because play "engages the prefrontal cortex…nourishing our highest-level cognitive functions – those related to incentive and reward processing, goal and skill representation, mental imagery, self-knowledge, and memory, just to name a few."  They suggest playing games, such as bridge, chess, sudoku, solving challenging crossword puzzles, doing improvisation, reading funny books.

Searching for patterns is another way to maintain your cognitive fitness:  "First and foremost, challenge your existing mind-set, enlarge it, and make it more complex."  The authors encourage executives to "[l]isten to different viewpoints, read new kinds of articles and books, and visit places with a focused set of learning objectives."

Those who seek novelty and innovation through continuous learning benefit from neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change and enhance its performance.  The article suggests learning a new language, musical instrument, or new technology.

Deepak Chopra on: Releasing Emotion Toxins (Video)

"How do you release emotional toxins? Deepak details the seven steps to releasing emotional toxicity, which include: 1. Take responsibility for your emotions. 2. Witness the emotions in your body. 3. Define it: is it anger, fear? 4. Express it: write down what is happening. 5. Share it with a loved one. 6. Do a ritual to release it: write it down and burn it. 7.  Bring it to a closure: go out and celebrate."

What’s your theme?

I am trying something new this year.  I actually have a theme for 2008.  My theme is learning to get  out of my comfort zone.  Here are my reasons for creating a new year’s theme:

Focus.  Maintaining just one theme throughout the year will help me stay focused and hopefully, make better progress.

Layered goal structure.  I’ve found that I accomplish more if I have just one goal in front of me.  At the same time, I want to have a big picture to know where I am heading and a clear set of actions to follow.  My optimal structure has three layers:  the theme, the goals to support my theme, and the steps to accomplish my goals.   

Momentum.  Working under a unifying theme builds momentum for growth and development, which is more difficult to achieve if you try to work on a list of unrelated things. 

Process.  My theme is process-oriented.  It is about how I do things, as opposed to what I do.  It allows me to apply my theme across the board, to a variety of projects.  No matter what I do, I can ask myself how I can get out of my comfort zone to build a new mindset and new skills.

Am I missing any important component in my approach?  Do you have a theme for 2008?

   

My wellness mindset newsletter

I have some exciting updates to share with you.  I’ve been busy cooking up a few new things for 2008.  One of them is the launch of my weekly wellness mindset newsletter “Well-Aware.”  I publish this newsletter for my coaching clients and other busy professionals who want to create a healthier lifestyle by building a wellness mindset.  The focus is on effective thinking.  Some of the topics I’ll be exploring are:

• How to develop a mindset for health and well-being.
• How to overcome limiting patterns of thinking and behavior.
• How to maintain a positive mental attitude.
• How to generate more “A-ha” moments and better insights.
• How to listen to your body and your intuition.
• How to discover your unique sources of wellness and vitality.
• How to limit negative thoughts.
• How to get yourself unstuck and moving in a powerful new direction.
• How to use your mind for effective self-regulation.
• How to persevere and reach your wellness goals.
• How to leverage the power of proven methods for managing stress.
• How to use mindfulness to change unhealthy patterns in your life.
• How to figure out and focus on what’s important to you.

If you’d like to subscribe, just complete the form in the right-hand column of this blog (under my picture) or on my coaching page. 

I also plan to focus more on the issue of wellness in the legal profession this year.  It pains me to see that so many talented and highly motivated people, who are very good at serving their clients, have trouble making decisions when it comes to their own life and well-being.  I know the traditional law firm culture often makes it difficult for lawyers to take care of their own needs.  But the bottom line is that the change starts with individuals, and we all need to stay well in order to work and live well.

I’d love to hear what your biggest challenges are when it comes to wellness.

 

Orientation Series: 21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner

Step 18:  Establishing rhythms, rituals, and routines

As you set a direction for your learning with the help of learning goals, you also want to consider establishing rhythms, rituals, and routines to support your learning process. 

Rhythms

Most things we do in life have a rhythm.  Our hearts pump blood through our bodies rhythmically.  We breathe, walk, talk in a rhythmic fashion.  Learning has its rhythm too.  If you were to design your ideal day, what kind of rhythm would it have?   The following questions may help you discover your natural rhythm:

• What kind of flow does your typical day have?  Do you feel rushed all the time?  Are you exhausted by the end of the day?  How often do you feel bored?  Does time fly by or does it drag?
• What times of the day are you at your best?  When is it easier for you to stay focused? 
• When is your energy at its lowest?  When do you usually feel like you need to take a nap?
• Do you first complete the easy tasks or the difficult ones?  Why?
• Do you like to work on one project for a long time period or do you switch between projects and tasks to get more variety into your day?
• How often do you take breaks when you work or study?  If you are not sure, try 50-minute work sessions with 10-minute breaks and see how it works for you. 

Rituals

A ritual is a set of actions that has a special symbolic meaning.  I am talking here mostly about personal rituals that you can devise and perform just for yourself.  Rituals may not be directly related to learning but they can help it by giving a signal to your brain to prepare for something, shift focus, or recharge, depending on the meaning and purpose of your ritual.  For instance, you may have a ritual to start your day on a good note.  Here are some examples of rituals and their possible purposes:

• Reading an inspirational story or listening to a motivational podcast in the morning to get yourself excited about the day.
• Meditating for 15 minutes to quiet your mind before a challenging task.
• Taking a brisk walk when you feel stuck and want to recharge.
• Doing a visualization exercise to calm your mind before an exam. 

Rituals can give you a sense of security and control in a challenging situation.  If you have a recurrent challenge in your day, try devising a ritual for it. 

Routines

It is not just kids and dogs who need routines.  Adults can benefit from them too.  Well thought out routines can give a healthy rhythm to your day, support its natural flow and give you enough energy for all the things you need to do and learn.  Once you determine your natural energy peaks and lows throughout the day, start grouping and ordering your tasks and activities around those time periods.  It may require some experimenting before you come up with your optimal day structure.  For example, my productivity increased when I stopped checking my email the first thing after I turned on my computer in the morning.  Instead, I now prefer to do some writing or research for a few hours before I open my inbox.   As you create your routines, consider the following questions:

• What tasks should you be doing when your energy is high? 
• Which activities do you reserve for your low points?
• If you like variety, how can you break up your projects to stay motivated and efficient at the same time?
• How should you order your learning activities to process information faster and remember and use it better?
• How can you ensure uninterrupted time for the tasks that require concentration?
• How well is your work or study schedule coordinated with the rest of your daily routines?
• How can you safeguard your well-being and meet the essential needs for a healthy diet, sleep, and exercise?  Too often, people sacrifice those needs only to discover too late that their immune system is compromised, they feel run down, or they are just simply unhappy.

Once you’ve planned your day, make sure you protect your routines.  It may require setting some boundaries with people and making a few unpopular decisions, but ultimately, you may discover that you are more productive, energized and enthusiastic about your life.  And learning to live well is no small accomplishment! 

What would your ideal day look like?

Orientation Series:  21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner:
Step 1:  Setting your learning objectives
Step 2:  Taking an inventory of your skills
Step 3:  Taking an Inventory of Your Learning Tools
Step 4:  Finding opportunities for cognitive apprenticeship
Step 5:   Determining the "IIQ" of what you read
Step 6:  Choosing helpful books for law students
Step 7:  “The Three 'P's of Performance” in Action
Step 8:  Tapping into your social networks
Step 9:  Identifying your learning barriers
Step 10:  Finding your sources of motivation
Step 11:  Managing your energy
Step 12:  Focusing on how you think
Step 13:  Mastering informal learning and professional development
Step 14:  Asking Good Questions
Step 15:  Condensing your knowledge
Step 16:  Memorizing
Step 17:  Becoming a reflective learner

 

How attitudes towards intelligence affect the ability to learn

How we think about our intelligence influences our success as learners.  In her article “The Secret to Raising Smart Kids” in the current issue of Scientific American Mind, Carol S. Dweck, Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University and the author of “Mindset:  The New Psychology of Success,” describes two kinds of attitude towards intelligence that affect kids’ performance in school:  the “growth mind-set” and the “fixed mind-set.”  People with the “growth mind-set” believe that their intelligence can be developed through learning and hard work, while those with the “fixed mind-set” believe that their intelligence is static and cannot be improved.  A recent study has found that children with the “growth mind-set” perform better in school, show greater persistence when they face challenges, and are more enthusiastic about learning.  In contrast, kids with the “fixed mind-set” are more concerned about “looking smart” than learning, get discouraged with they encounter a problem, and avoid challenges.  These differences are also reflected in the workplace where people with the “growth mind-set” are more likely to mentor others and to welcome feedback because they see it as a tool for improvement.  Those who believe that their intelligence is fixed are likely to ignore their own shortfalls and shun criticism. 

How do you develop the “growth mind-set”?  The article suggests praising kids for their effort and hard work instead of their intelligence.  Students also benefit from learning about the brain and its ability to change and grow new connections.

Understanding your personal energy patterns

If you are like many overworked and overwhelmed people I know, you probably experience the lack of energy more often that you’d like.  I want to offer you an exercise to help you understand your energy flow better.  Here’s what you do:

1. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns.  In the left side column, write down ten things that drain you energy.  Think of tasks that leave you exhausted, people that seem to zap your energy, habits that add to your fatigue. 
2. Now, in the right side column, write down ten things that increase your energy.  Think about activities that energize you, people that inspire you and propel you to action, daily routines that help you maintain your health and sanity. 
3. Once you are done with your lists, draw a bucket that represents your typical 24-hour day.  Now fill your bucket with the things from your lists, estimating the percentage of the bucket those things tend to occupy.
4. Take a close look at your full bucket.  Are you happy with the distribution of energy-producing v. energy-draining activities?  If yes, congratulate yourself on the ability to balance your energy well.  If you see room for improvement, ask yourself what you would need to re-balance your bucket.

Do you have a dreamboard?

Last weekend, my family was busy creating dreamboards.  It turned out to be a very enjoyable exercise.  It is something you may consider doing with your family around the holidays.  A dreamboard is a collection of images that represent something you want to attain in your life.  You can clip inspirational pictures from magazines, add text or anything else you like and then attach everything to a poster board.  You want to choose a spot for your dreamboard where you can see it often.  The idea is to look at it, internalize it, and start manifesting your desires.  Here are my observations so far:

I am not very crafty, so I was surprised to see how engaging it was to search for images, clip and arrange them on the board.  I felt a bit like a kid at play.  Not something we do often as adults.    

It was easier to evoke emotions with images than with thoughts alone.  The exercise created a nice union of reasoning and feeling, which left me more inspired and determined to pursue my dreams.

Finding the right pictures took longer in the beginning, but as time progressed, good images began jumping out at me.  I think this was the result of letting my imagination run free. 

Occasionally, an image would catch my eye, but I wasn’t sure why I wanted it on my dreamboard.  The reason usually revealed itself if I looked at the image long enough.  To me, this just shows that we are not always conscious of what we really want, but we can get at it by noticing our emotions and listening to our intuition.  The process of creating a dreamboard increases self-awareness. 

I am not sure if I should ascribe any meaning to the actual positioning of the elements on my board.  It is something I still ponder. 

We actually talked about our dreamboards and the images we chose.  There was power in voicing and sharing our dreams.

I like looking at my dreamboard every day.  It definitely gives me more motivation to act on the things that matter to me.  I also like the fact that I can see all my dreams at the same time in one place, while I can only think of one or maybe two at a time. 

Dreaming doesn’t stop.  I will continue to add more images to my dreamboard. 

Do you have a dreamboard?  What does it do for you?

How to maintain a positive outlook when you are stressed

Is the stress of approaching finals getting to you?  If so, Law School Academic Support Blog has some advice on how to maintain a positive outlook in this challenging time and help others do the same. 

Are you too busy to even consider any positive changes?  In his article “Let Your Subconscious Mind Go to Work for You,” David J. Pollay describes an exercise you can do every morning to harness the power of your subconscious.  It won’t take a lot of time, and the results may be well worth it.

What do you do to manage your stress?

Time to let your monsters out

We all have them.  Hidden in our own haunted houses, they wait for the right moment  to pounce and send chills down our spines.  Do you deny the light of day to any of your fears, negative habits or concerns?  Halloween is a perfect time to acknowledge their existence and have a little fun with it.  Here’s what you do.  Let’s say, one of your haunted house inhabitants is procrastination.  Pick a monster toy for it.  For example, rubber worms in green oozing slime can be a nice representation of being stuck.  Get all your monsters and gremlins out of your haunted house and line them up in a place where you can see them.  Let them hang out there even after Halloween is over as a reminder of who is in charge.  Monsters tend to have less control over you when you see them.  Whenever you feel their creepy presence, just take a look at their toy representative and have a laugh.  They are really not that scary in the daylight.

Happy Halloween!

If you want to change, pay attention

You have probably heard the saying:  “If you don’t like the results, do something differently.”   It turns out that what exactly you do differently may be of less importance, at least, according to an interesting study done by Professor Ben Fletcher, Head of School of Psychology at the University of Hertfordshire, UK.  55 participants were asked to try out new behaviors from 15 contrastive pairs, such as reactive/proactive or introverted/extroverted.  They were also asked to complete an activity that would be unusual for them twice a week.  The surprising result was that the subjects lost an average of 11 pounds over a four-week period and many went on to lose more.  The explanation was that people who tried out new behaviors were more conscious of their daily activities, they paid attention to what they were doing, and that, in turn, led to better food choices. 

It can be a fun exercise to act like a different person for a while.  What new behavior would you like to try out this week?

Blog Action Day: Learning about the Environment

The 15th of October is Blog Action Day.  Thousands of bloggers put their thinking energy into one issue today – the environment.  They write about it in their own ways, weaving the topic into the themes of their blogs.  So, how are we learning about the environment? 

Some learning we do by choice, other comes to us the hard way.  Learning about the global warming and its effects is an example of the latter.  You may have heard about the four stages of learning:

1. Unconscious Incompetence.  We don’t even know what we don’t know.
2. Conscious Incompetence.  We are aware of what we don’t know.  We know what we need to learn.
3. Conscious Competence. We have learned enough to be able to act in accordance with our knowledge, but we still have to think about it.
4. Unconscious Competence.  The new behavior becomes natural, we don’t have to think about it any more. 

The events of this year shifted many of us into the conscious competence stage.  We know what we should and shouldn’t do to make a difference.  We know enough about the issues to start acting accordingly.  Sustainable living takes planning, adjustment, and concentration.  There is still a lot we need to learn as individuals, families, communities.  Any change is hard, and it takes effort.  It is easier to leave the computer on because that’s how we have always left it.  It is easier to toss a can into the trash rather that look for a recycling bin.  It is easier not to think about those habitual actions.  After all, they are part of our unconscious competence.  And we have to replace them with the skills that we are still learning, and it is a challenge.  Practice is really the only way.  “Think and do,” “think and do” will eventually evolve into “do and do,” and think about something else.   That’s when the environmental consciousness will become part of us, so much so that the new practices will be automatic, just like brushing our teeth in the morning.  But even then, we will still be learning about exciting discoveries and new better ways to do things, and we will continue trading our unconscious behavior for the conscious again.   It is a never-ending process, but hopefully, the one that leads to a better life on this one beautiful planet.

Small steps to a better life

Good changes come in small packages.  We don’t have to spend a lot of time and turn our life upside down to improve it.  Small things often have a big positive impact, and they are easier to stick to.  The challenge is to choose actionable steps or short routines that you can easily weave into the fabric of your day to brighten it up.  They may not solve your problems, but they can make you feel better about yourself and serve as a reminder to take care of your mind, body and spirit.  You can start with just one such life booster and then introduce more at a pace that is comfortable to you.  Here are a few things that I enjoy and you can try too:

• Start your day by stretching for a few minutes.  I like the Sun Salutation sequence. 
• Play your favorite tune as you are getting dressed in the morning, or better yet, sing it.  How about “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” from “Oklahoma” – seems appropriate:

Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I've got a wonderful feeling,
Everything's going my way.

Or choose whatever you like.

• Set times throughout the day to do some deep breathing.  Most of us are shallow breathers.  Deep breathing brings more oxygen to your body and calms you down.
• Choose to add a healthy fruit or vegetable to your daily diet.  Blueberries-brainberries are my choice. 
• Meditate.  It is an amazing practice.  A 15-minute meditation session can bring more insights for me than a full day of hard thinking.   
• Say affirmations or The Serenity Prayer, or simply read poetry.
• Make an effort to connect to your friends or loved ones daily in an easy but meaningful way.  It can be a kind word, a phone call, a short email, a kiss, a note, a home-cooked meal – whatever works in your circumstances.  Send your loving energy with it.
• Take a different perspective on something that tends to bother you or drain your energy.  Adopt a new more productive way to think about it and reinforce this new thinking with repetition. 
• Keep a gratitude journal where you write down all the things you are grateful for.   

Your list may be very different.  The idea is to find something that makes your life better.  What is that one little step you can take today?  Let’s hear from you.

Don't let negativity bring you down

Easier said than done, but read the article "Beware of Garbage Trucks™" by David J. Pollay.  Perhaps, you can also benefit from the lesson he learned "in the back of a New York City taxi cab."

More on energy management

As synchronicity would have it, after I wrote my post on energy management, we received the October issue of the Harvard Business Review with an article on this topic.  In “Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time,” Tony Schwartz, the president and founder of the Energy Project, describes some specific rituals that can help busy executives to gain more energy.  You can also take a short questionnaire “Are You Headed for an Energy Crisis?” to evaluate your energy needs.

Orientation Series: 21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner

Step 11:  Managing your energy

Energy is powerful.  Energy is also subtle.   We feel it, but we can’t always measure it easily.  We talk a lot about time management, and not enough about energy management.  You already know that your body needs a good diet, enough sleep and regular exercise to stay energetic.  What may not be so obvious is that our energy levels also correlate with what we do and how we feel about what we do.  Have you noticed how time flies when we engage in something that energizes us, and crawls when we do a task that drains us? Paying attention to the changes in your energy patterns throughout the day is a first step towards bringing more energy into your life.   

If you spend too much energy on things that you don’t enjoy, you are in danger of depleting your energy bank.   Can you identify five routine tasks that drain you most?  Is there a way to delegate them or eliminate them from your days completely?  If this is not possible, it helps to remember that energy comes with meaning, love, and purpose, so look for those qualities in what you do.  For example, I don’t like cleaning, but I can overcome the resentment if I think of it as creating and controlling my physical environment.  Such focus gives more meaning to a mundane task. 

While this type of reframing can work for some activities, use it only as the last resort because you are better off giving your energy to something that you truly love.   You can think of it as opening a channel:  when good energy flows form you, the Universe gives back, so you will replenish your energy fast. 

Energy needs to move.  You can’t conserve it by keeping it to yourself because it will dissipate, and you will feel lethargic without having done anything.  If you ever spent hours on the couch watching TV, you know what I mean. 

How do you make sure that your learning brings energy into your life?  Learning should be a source of joy and inspiration for you.  You have to find meaning and purpose in what you learn.  And finally, you must have a way to share the results of your learning with others and do it with love. 

Do you feel energized when you learn? 

Orientation Series:  21 Steps to Becoming a Better Learner:
Step 1:  Setting your learning objectives
Step 2:  Taking an inventory of your skills
Step 3:  Taking an Inventory of Your Learning Tools
Step 4:  Finding opportunities for cognitive apprenticeship
Step 5:   Determining the "IIQ" of what you read
Step 6:  Choosing helpful books for law students
Step 7:  “The Three 'P's of Performance” in Action
Step 8:  Tapping into your social networks
Step 9:  Identifying your learning barriers
Step 10:  Finding your sources of motivation

 

Foster your creativity

Many law students and lawyers have a creative bend, and it turns out, there are lots of good reasons to continue fostering your creativity.  Online Guide to Mediation offers an insightful review of the Boston Globe article "Art for our sake: School arts classes matter more than ever - but not for the reasons you think".   The article reports on a recent study indicating that art teaches a “specific set of thinking skills,” or what the researchers call the “studio habits of mind”: 

One of these habits was persistence: Students worked on projects over sustained periods of time and were expected to find meaningful problems and persevere through frustration. Another was expression: Students were urged to move beyond technical skill to create works rich in emotion, atmosphere, and their own personal voice or vision. A third was making clear connections between schoolwork and the world outside the classroom….

Each of these habits clearly has a role in life and learning, but we were particularly struck by the potentially broad value of four other kinds of thinking being taught in the art classes we documented: observing, envisioning, innovating through exploration, and reflective self-evaluation.

Art teaches us to look beyond our own expectations, which may cause inaccurate perceptions:

Seeing clearly by looking past one's preconceptions is central to a variety of professions, from medicine to law.

And for some, creativity can bring a big pay-off literally.   Just read the story of Scott Jordan, a lawyer-turned-entrepreneur who invented the Technology Enabled Clothing, designed to keep your favorite gadgets hidden but easily accessible when you need them.

Three kinds of empathy

If you are in the serving profession, you have probably wondered more than once how much you should be involved in your clients’ stories.  It can be challenging to find that perfect place where you can be caring and compassionate without jeopardizing the effectiveness of your service and your own emotional balance.  In his blog, Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, reports on his conversation with Paul Ekman, an expert in understanding facial expressions and emotions, about three kinds of empathy:  cognitive, emotional and compassionate. 

According to Paul Ekman’s classification, “cognitive empathy” is “simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. Sometimes called perspective-taking, this kind of empathy can help in, say, a negotiation or in motivating people.”

“Emotional empathy” is described as a state “when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.” 

Finally, with “compassionate empathy,” “we not only understand a person’s predicament and feel with them, but are spontaneously moved to help, if needed.”

Paul Ekman believes that the three kinds of empathy are learnable, like other emotional intelligence skills. 

You can read Daniel Goleman’s post about the benefits and downsides of each kind of empathy here.

Dealing with rejections

Learning how to handle rejections is not something we look forward to, but it is something we must master as a prerequisite for our lesson in success.  Maybe, you didn’t get the job you wanted, the firm didn’t extend you an offer after your summer internship, or you didn’t close the deal with the coveted client.  You are certainly disappointed, perhaps, angry and resentful.  How do you move beyond these negative feelings towards a more productive and brighter future? 

You’ve probably heard a lot:  “Don’t take rejections personally.”  And you understand it to be true when you think rationally, but even our rationality is bounded, and so the rejection hurts nonetheless.  Take time to experience your feelings of hurt, anger, or self-doubt.  As many of you know, I am a big fan of yoga and meditation, and I think these practices offer a safe environment to explore your negative emotions without acting on them.  Experts suggest taking a pause in your activities when you realize that feelings overwhelm you.   Whether you decide to sit in meditation or do yoga, focus on what’s going on inside you as you breathe in and out.  Psychologists believe that labeling emotions actually helps neutralize them, so go ahead and name what you are feeling and notice any tightness or other sensations in your body.  Now, visualize a place or a person that would invoke a sense of love, peace, safety, gratitude in you.  Pretend you are in that place or with that person, and you breathe in the energy of love and acceptance and breathe out the resentment and anger.  Try this exercise and see if it helps you shift your mood.         

Once you’ve achieved a calmer state of mind, focus on what you can learn from the situation.  Whenever you can, get some feedback from a representative of the employer or another insider you trust, but do it in a tactful and professional way.  You may find out that the rejection has nothing to do with you and is a result of bad economy, changed plans or other factors outside your control.  Sometimes, rejections mean that you and your potential employer are not a good match.  Think of why it may be the case.  Examine your own work style and values and think which work environment is the best fit for you.  Rejections can truly be blessings in disguise even if we may not see them that way for a while.  On the other hand, if you discover that you lack certain qualities that are important to employers, treat it as an opportunity to improve and grow professionally.  This is your early wake-up call.  Make a plan for how you can develop those desirable characteristics.  No matter what your particular situation is, you can always learn something about yourself and other people that can help you become a better lawyer and a better person. 

Whatever you do, don’t burn bridges.  You don’t want to do anything on the spur of the moment that can tarnish your reputation.  Don’t start any communication when you feel upset.  Don’t disparage the firm or the people who work there.  The same people can move to a different place of employment, you may have to meet them in court or at the negotiation table later.  In addition, as salespeople would tell you a “no” doesn’t really mean that.  You may get an eventual “yes,” and it may turn out to be a bigger and better “yes.”  The lesson is to foster good relationships, which can bring you more opportunities. 

Want Happy News?

Positive Psychology News Daily can be your source of happy reading:

"Positive Psychology News Daily provides the latest news about happiness, the 'science of happiness,' and Positive Psychology.  Our goal is to be your fun, collaborative place for a research-based daily boost of happiness."

For example, the article "Using Your Strengths in the Job Search" by Senia Maymin encourages you to explore the relationship between your strengths and your job.   

"To what extent would you personally agree with this statement:  ‘At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day?’   When Gallup asked this question, it found that only 20 percent of those surveyed said they strongly agreed with this phrase. Are you in that 20 percent, or is it maybe time for you to re-craft your job to match what you do best?"

She proceeds to discuss a job search trap that many job candidates fall into.  They often build their job interviews around the skills they demonstrated at their previous jobs.  But this strategy is going to get you more of the same type of work.  If you want a job that uses a different set of strengths, you need to know how to incorporate what excites you into your job search process.  The article has some suggestions for you. 

While we are on the subject of happiness, check out the happiness carnival at Think Happy Thoughts.

"The Naked Brain: How the Emerging Neurosociety is Changing How We Live, Work, and Love"

If you are interested in the works of your brain, listen to this podcast in which Deborah Harper interviews Dr. Richard Restak, MD, author of The Naked Brain: How the Emerging Neurosociety is Changing How We Live, Work, and Love.    The focus of the book and the interview is social neuroscience.  Should employers screen job candidates with MRIs?  Can neuromarketers really manipulate us into buying more?  How can one create false memories?  Dr. Restak explains how new research can help us understand our own behavior.

Take the Six Seconds emotional intelligence test SEI-360 free of charge

Six Seconds is a not-for-profit organization that offers information, tools, and services related to emotional intelligence:

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage feelings. It is the key competency for personal effectiveness, essential to communication, self-direction, problem-solving, and leadership.”

During the month of July, you can participate in the free trial of the Six Seconds emotional intelligence assessment SEI-360.  The SEI-360 is an online test that measures how you use your emotional intelligence in your daily life and how other people, who you choose to give you feedback, perceive your emotional intelligence skills.

It sounds like a great way to learn more about yourself.  Hurry up because the test is available free of charge as a research version only till the end of July.

Stephanie West Allen and Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz give us Brain on Purpose

Stephanie West Allen of Idealawg and Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz have teamed up to launch a new exciting blog – Brain on Purpose.  It explores the implications of neuroscience for the field of conflict resolution.  It’s a must read for anybody who deals with conflicts as part of their professional life.  And who doesn’t?  The recent post "There's a great future in [neuroplasticity]. Think about it. Will you think about it?" makes you ponder how much control you have in shaping your own brain.  Our brains develop new connections with every choice we make.  If you let others make those choices for you, you may end up with a brain shaped by your clients, co-workers, relatives, friends, even strangers in a grocery store.  It makes me wonder about the challenges the legal profession faces when it comes to the brain neuroplasticity.  How do you stay compassionate and empathetic without letting your clients’ problems get to you?  Can you use combative trial tactics without harming your own brain and the brains of others who come in contact with you?  Do you feel more responsibility now that you know that your actions may affect somebody else’s brain?  When does the adversarial turn into adversity? 

Want to know what happens to your brain in law school?  Read “Law Students: Create A Well-rounded Life” by Stephanie West Allen and Jeffrey M. Schwartz in The Complete Lawyer.

Let’s begin! (Part II)

“There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other.”
J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

You’ve probably heard the saying “to begin is half the work.”  It is also the hard part of the work.  Have you had trouble starting a thing or two?  What is a good way to begin something?   In Let’s begin (Part I), I gave some tips on how to get yourself ready to cross the start line.  Today, I want to talk about the importance of finding common ground as the first step in many initiatives.  What we have in common with one another can be used as glue to make all the pieces of our project stick together.  How so?  Let’s look at some of the contexts where you can use common ground as your beginning point.    

1. Whenever you need to make a speech or a presentation, it’s a good idea to begin by sharing something that your audience can agree with.  If you establish a point of agreement with your audience from the start, your listeners are going to be more willing to accept what you have to say later.   To learn how to do that, listen to The Engaging Brand podcast Powerful Presenting Pt 1 and Pt 2.   
2. When we meet a person for the first time, it’s only natural that we look for commonalities in our backgrounds or interests to establish rapport.  Remember that next time you are at a networking function.  You conversations will be more fulfilling if you take a genuine interest in the other person.   
3. When mediators work to resolve a conflict between parties, they often try to have them agree on something as the first step of the mediation process.  Even if the point of agreement is really small, its psychological benefit can be great.  Sometimes, a small object that has sentimental value for both parties, such as the kids’ pictures, can do the trick.  Next time you see a conflict brewing, try to agree before you disagree. 
4. When you work as a team, you need to start with a common agenda and common goals.  It applies to meetings, collaborative projects, study groups.  It ensures that all the members of your team are moving in the same direction. 
5. When you write to persuade, inform or entertain, it’s a good idea to consider what characteristics your readers share and what you can do as a writer to address their concerns, interests and desires.  You can apply the same principle when you launch a new product or service. 
6. Whenever we encounter a new situation, we look for a familiar pattern in it.  That’s how our brain processes the information.  To understand the new piece, we need to find a link or an association to something we already know.  If you train yourself to be better at pattern recognition, you will learn more and remember longer.  So next time you need to learn something new, compare it first to what you already know and see how you can transfer your existing knowledge or skill set to the new context.

Can you think of any other situations when finding common ground is a good way to begin? 

Riding the brain waves

Have you noticed how sometimes your thoughts flow freely, you feel smart and creative, and other times, your thinking feels strained and your mind is distracted?  Imagine that your thoughts are riding the waves – the brain waves, that is.  The nerve cells in your brain emit electrical impulses that can be measured by a device called an electroencephalograph (EEG).  The brain wave frequencies, measured in hertz or cycles per second (Hz), fall into four categories:  beta, alpha, theta and delta.  These brain wave patterns are associated with specific states of mind. 

Beta waves (15-30 Hz).  You ride beta waves in your normal wakeful state when you think, read, concentrate on a task or solve problems.  Your mind is fully engaged. 

Alpha waves (9-14 Hz).  You ride alpha waves when you are calm and relaxed.  Alpha waves are associated with creativity, sense of peace and well-being.  When you start meditating, you slow your brain wave pattern to alpha.

Theta waves (4-8 Hz).  You ride theta waves when you drift off to sleep or you are just about to wake up.  Theta waves indicate deep relaxation.  They often bring about vivid imagery, memories from the past, creative insights, inspiration.  Meditation that reaches the theta state opens the doors to heightened perception and intuitive breakthroughs. 

Delta waves (1-3 Hz).  You ride delta waves in your dreamless sleep.  It is the slowest of the brain wave patterns. 

Learning to influence your wave brain patterns through creative visualizations, meditation, music or hypnosis may allow you to achieve the desired state of mind whenever you need it for a specific task.  For example, if you are looking for creative inspiration or want to access memories from your subconscious, you may decide to go for a run to get into the "zone" and induce the slower alpha brain wave pattern.  To learn more about brain waves and various techniques to work on your brain, check out quide-to-self-help-techniques.com. 

Tip Bit #25: Make a list of 5 things that you are excited about

If you need inspiration in your life, check out Pursue the Passion.  Here’s what the creators of the project say about it:

“Pursue the Passion started as a group of three recent college grads who embarked on cross country roadtrips to interview passionate professionals about their career paths. We created this site because we felt that others could benefit from these interviews, and use them to determine a direction to take their careers.”

In addition to great stories, I really like their series “5 Things I’m Excited About on a Friday.”   I think it’s a great way to fuel your passion and remind yourself how exciting you life is.  We all need it from time to time, and Friday just seems like a perfect day for this type of exercise.  The weekend is almost here, so dream a little, let your curiosity run free and find excitement in your life.  What are the 5 things you are excited about this Friday?   I’ll start:

1. I am so excited that I am close to launching my online training course.  It’s going to happen very soon (more on it later).
2. I am excited that the weather is promising to be wonderful this weekend, which means I get to spend more time outdoors, and I like that.
3. I am excited to start reading “The Art of the Start” by Guy Kawasaki that I just got from the library. 
4. I am excited my daughter learned how to stack building blocks.  She was really good at smashing my creations before, but now she can build tall towers on her own.  Silly things can make Mommy happy. 
5. I am excited about my exercise and meditation routine.  I hope I can stick to it.  I want to be able to meditate properly for at least 20 minutes.  Right now, my mind is still dashing from thought to thought and my back starts aching after sitting still for about 10 minutes.  It will get better, right?  Practice, practice, practice.   

Who is next? 

How to deal with difficult people

Most of your interactions, I am sure, are cordial, pleasant and productive.  But for those rare occasions when you come face-to-face with a difficult, negative, or annoying person, here’s a blueprint for your actions and reactions. 

First of all, how do you spot trouble?  Chuck Newton warns of the “Six Personality Types You Should Avoid.”  Meet The Loafer, The Weasel, The Bridegroom, The Psycho Killer, The Replicant, and The Future CEO.

What assumptions do you harbor when you develop your relationships with people?  Here’s a list of principles that will help you build better relationships from the Lifehack article “Other people are not broken…” by Adrian Savage.

How do you deal with negative people in a positive way?  Catherine Pratt offers some tips on “How To Deal With Negative People” at Life With Confidence.   Do you know the type who always criticizes everything?  I’ve heard of a good neutralizing phrase when you talk to those people.  Ask them:  “Do you have a better idea?”   While you are at Life With Confidence, also check out “How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People” by Peter Murphy. 

Here’s a secret about annoying people.  They are annoying only so long as you let them annoy you.  Take that power away from them!  The Chief Happiness Officer Alexander Kjerulf tells you  “How not to let annoying people annoy you.”

How do you keep your cool?

Tip bit #23: Make a list of what you really need to learn.

Today’s tip is inspired by Stephen Downes’ list of “What You Really Need To Learn”.  He thinks it is important to learn:

• How to predict consequences
• How to read (and really understand)
• How to distinguish truth from fiction
• How to empathize
• How to be creative
• How to communicate clearly
• How to learn
• How to stay healthy
• How to value yourself
• How to live meaningfully

Many of the above skills are not taught in school and yet they seem to be essential if you want to have a good life and be successful in today’s world. 

So, what is in your list? 

How to turn boring into fun

Let’s admit, sometimes we just have to do the boring stuff and there is no way around it.  Is there a way to sweeten the pill?  Try the following strategies to add excitement to your boring tasks.

1. Use fun tools, gadgets and accessories to do the task.  A nice pen, a sleek black Moleskine, a shiny techno-gadget can have surprising soul-soothing qualities and help to move you along.
2. Schedule some fun to reward yourself for completing the boring project and instead of focusing on how bored you are, visualize the fun part.  The anticipation of the reward is a great mood-booster in itself. 
3. Use the boring task as a procrastination method for something even less exciting.  When do you feel the urge to clean your house?  When you need to study for an exam or write a paper.  What is fun and what is boring is relative. 
4. Approach the boring with the beginner’s mind.  You don’t know that it’s boring.  Is there anything new to learn from this task?  Do it and pay attention as if you were doing it for the first time.  Question how you do things and why.  Have you noticed how kids can be fascinated with most ordinary things?  How they really study an object, poke and prod and test it?  Unleash your own curiosity.
5. Explain what you are doing to a child.  Their questions may force you to look at the situation from a different perspective.  They will make you wonder.
6. Talk to a person who enjoys doing what you consider boring.  Their passion and commitment can make the most ordinary thing look extraordinary.  Enthusiasm is infectious.
7. Role-play and pretend to be somebody who is really good at the task you are about to do.  What makes them so good at it?  Get into their mindset. 
8. Capture the contrast.  Pair up your boring task with an activity that you enjoy.  Brew some good coffee, turn on your favorite CD.  You will feel better.
9. Change the process.  Speed it up or slow it down.  Add a challenge.  Exaggerate or eliminate.  Do things differently. 
10. Fuel your competitive spirit.  Find somebody how has to do the same thing and turn the task into a competition. 
11. Change your physical environment.   If you task is portable, take it to a park, beach, coffee shop.   If you have to stay in the office or at home, change the lighting, turn on a water fountain, buy some flowers, put up a nice painting or poster on the wall.  Look for things that stimulate your senses:  smell good aromas, listen to soothing sounds, divert your eyes to take in beauty.
12. Create a story around your project.  Define your goal.  Find your direction.  Are you a struggling hero in conflict?  Are you bracing yourself for a big obstacle to overcome?  Write the script and make it exciting.
    
    How do you fight boredom?

Podcast on brain neuroplasticity

If you want to know more about the capabilities of your brain, listen to the CBC Sunday Edition audio file from April 29, 2007, in which  Karin Wells interviews Dr. Norman Doidge on his book “The Brain That Changes Itself.” (Link to the podcasts -- scroll down to Sunday Edition).  He talks about some remarkable case reports of brain neuroplasticity with implications for trauma, learning disabilities, aging and much more. 

Is your learning significant?

How do you know if your learning experience is significant?  What factors will make it better?  Dee Fink  addresses these questions in his book “Creating Significant Learning Experiences.”  While the books is primarily for the instructors who are involved in designing college courses, students can benefit from its concepts as well in evaluating their learning and devising their own unique ways to make it better if the formal instruction falls short.  Fink writes:

“For learning to occur, there has to be some kind of change in the learner.  No change, no learning.  And significant learning requires that there be some kind of lasting change that is important in terms of the learner’s life.” 

Fink offers the “Taxonomy of Significant Learning” based on the following six kinds of significant learning:

Foundational Knowledge.  Learners must have the basic understanding of main concepts and ideas of the subject matter.

Application.  Application makes the learning useful.  It includes the ability to engage in various kinds of thinking, such as critical, creative and practical, and the development of skills needed to apply the knowledge and manage complex projects.

Integration.   Learners must be able to make connections between ideas, people and different realms of life.

Human Dimension.  Learning must lead to self-improvement and enable learners to function better in the world.

Caring.  Significant learning will make learners care about something more than they did before. 

Learning How to Learn.   Learners must be able to improve their studying skills and develop the characteristics of a self-directed learner.

How does you learning measure against this taxonomy? 

To find out more about Fink’s book and the design of significant learning experiences, visit www.significantlearning.org.

The Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania

If you want to be successful, you need to know how to leverage your strengths.  Peter Drucker said: "Most people think they know what they are good at. They are usually wrong." A good place to start exploring your talents is the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania:

“Positive Psychology is the scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive. The Positive Psychology Center promotes research, training, education, and the dissemination of Positive Psychology. This field is founded on the belief that people want to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives, to cultivate what is best within themselves, and to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play.”

The Center offers a variety of scientifically tested questionnaires and surveys, including their VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire that measures 24 character strengths.  The tests are free, but you need to register.  While you are there, check out their newsletters on Authentic Happiness and the list of resources – that’s how I found out about the BBC series "The Happiness Formula."

Let’s begin! (Part I)

"Too many of us wait to do the perfect thing, with the result we do nothing. The way to get ahead is to start now. While many of us are waiting until conditions are "just right" before we go ahead, others are stumbling along, fortunately ignorant of the dangers that beset them. By the time we are, in our superior wisdom, decided to make a start, we discover that those who have gone fearlessly on before, have, in their blundering way, traveled a considerable distance. If you start now, you will know a lot next year that you don't know now, and that you will not know next year, if you wait. "
The William Feather Magazine

You’ve probably heard the saying “to begin is half the work.”  It is also the hard part of the work.  Have you had trouble starting a thing or two?  Why is it so difficult to begin?  I think, it boils down to anxiety, uncertainty, lack of commitment, risk-avoidance and maybe, a few other things.  What is a good way to begin something?   Here are a few tips to get you ready to cross the start line. 

Start at the end.  That’s right.  Begin by imagining the end result of whatever you want to do.  George Bernard Shaw said: “Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.” If the outcome is compelling enough, the vision will propel you to action. If you can’t see the positive result, it may be a sign that you should not start. 

Take the bate.  Is there a part of the project that looks more appealing to you? Start there if possible.  Find the most exciting thing about the project and go after it.  The energy generated from such beginning will carry over to other less enticing tasks.  If you can’t find anything exciting, once again, it maybe a sign that the thing is not worth doing.  If you really have to do it, pair it up with some unrelated fun.  Make a deal with yourself that you will do the fun part first for a limited amount of time and then, you must do the boring part.  For example, you can watch one movie, but then you must start writing, reading, outlining, or whatever you need to.  That’s the reward upfront approach. The idea here is to put you in a good mood right away and mentally prepare you for other things to come.  This approach may help you if the promise of a future reward doesn’t do the trick.

Transform procrastination into the beginning.  Use your procrastination time to organize your thoughts, create a time-management system for your project, motivate yourself, rehearse ideas.  In other words, procrastinate with purpose.

Set a deadline to begin.  You have to set deadlines to get anything done.  Share your deadline with people.   If you make a public commitment, you are more likely to keep it.

Take small bites.  What exactly qualifies as the beginning?  If you need to write a paper, do you have to write a sentence, a paragraph, or a chapter to begin?  Subdividing your project into small easily manageable parts is a great way to conquer your fears and resistance. 

Enlist the help and support of others.  There is nothing like sharing your misery with somebody else (I am being sarcastic here).   Do you think runners would feel differently when they approached the start line if there were no cheering crowd around?  Surround yourself with energetic, caring and motivating people, and feel a sudden urge to begin. 

How would you begin whatever you need to do right now? 

Today’s tips are general and applicable to a variety of contexts.  It’s just the beginning (pardon the pun).  In Part II, I plan to address some specific situations, for example:

• How do you begin writing a paper?
• How do you being a job interview?
• How do you being a presentation?
• How do you introduce yourself to people?
• How do you begin a cold call?

If you have any advice or a topic to suggest, I’d love to hear from you!